Consuming Thoughts.

Do you ever wonder why you stop doing what you love? When I started this blog in 2010 it was about turning my thoughts and feelings into words, into concrete ideas that helped me better understand the changing circumstances around me. Largely my story was about changing from a selfish husband into the Dad, Husband, overall person I wanted to be. Certainly the journey didn't end with my last post in November of 2011. I just haven't written about it. There is certainly love lost for all the great things that happened without getting it on 'paper'.

I am again on a path of self reflection, not because of a large life event, but because there is something inside of me that makes me want to 're-invent' myself every couple of years - to throw Joe 2.0 out the window, and create the new and improved Joe. Reinvention could be fueled by my ever-evolving, internalized self critical nature. I don't often share my deep pitfalls with others - especially the ones that keep me up at night (most are rooted into times where I let others down). That sometimes leads me to wonder if people around me think that I THINK I'm perfect. I am far, far from it personally, professionally. In every nook and cranny of my life there are areas that I am flawed. I don't like it - at all. If I were to funnel everything into one opportunity - I want to be a better leader for my family, job, and other commitments (mainly fraternity stuff).

I want to use this blog again to talk through my thoughts in hopes of figuring out how to do these things better. I especially owe this betterment to my family, friends, and colleagues.

Announcing Baby Peanut!! 

Oh, and btw Jane and I are expecting again! We are 11 weeks in, and love seeing and reading about how baby peanut is growing so fast. We couldn't be happier to have a little brother/sister for Grayson. We have already read a couple of 'big brother' books a couple of times with him. He is going to make an amazing, loving and caring big brother. Thanks to Marcela Clinton for grabbing these shots for us!!

Even when being a typical two year old during pictures he still captures our hearts. 

I really love this picture. Thanks, Marcela!!

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Time to Reinvent?

Has anyone else ever felt like they need to reinvent themselves? I've had this feeling for a little bit. Mainly that what I have been doing to be successful the past year isn't what is required any more, that I need to perfect new skills and focuses. I've always considered myself good at change, and able to deal with ambiguity, but lately I've been short fused (and I assume not too fun to be around). Sorry, Jane!

There are those out there that believe you can never really reinvent your true self, but can only work harder at showing and proving the parts of your life you choose to. I'm not too sure of the science behind it, but Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdmon for Complex Lives via Google tells me there are 5 steps to reinvent myself.

Taken directly from Tiny Buddha:

1. Create a vision for your future.

Sit quietly, close your eyes, and imagine the people, places, or situations that you need to leave behind. Now imagine the future that you want, whether it’s simply a feeling, a group of people, or a situation such as a wonderful new job.

Imagine how it will feel to be in that new place. Picture the sun coming up behind your future, the warm glow of the light on your face.

Stand for a moment and silently voice your appreciation of everything that came before. Once you’ve thanked the past, turn towards the sun, and with compassion and gratitude, imagine yourself walking away from the past and into the future.

2. Write about your reinvention.

Imagine a scene from it, or write about how you’d like it to play out. Where are you living? What do you do in the mornings, afternoon, evenings? Who are your friends? What do you spend your days doing?

Continue writing for as long as this exercise feels invigorating and exciting. Write scenes, dialogues, lists, plans. Make the future come alive. Write about how it will feel to be there. Keep your writing somewhere where you will look at it occasionally. Feel free to add to it.

3. Surround yourself with visual reminders of the life you’d like to create.

If it’s a new job in a particular field, put objects or images from that field someplace where you’ll see them every day. If it’s a home, find a picture of a house that you love and put it near your front door. It can be anything that reminds you of what you’re moving toward.

4. Now that you have a vision of your future, break it up into workable tasks.

What do you need to do—every day—to create that vision? Look for work? Meet new people? Search for a place to live in your chosen town? Make it specific. Make a list of everything you need to do and a schedule for when you’ll do it. Then do it and commit to keep doing it, one day at a time.

5. Every day, go back to that vision of you walking towards your future.

Every morning or evening, close your eyes, and see yourself walking into the rising sun, towards your dreams, and reconnect with why you’re moving toward this new possibility.

What do you think? Would you add or change anything?

Here is my motivation for reinventing myself.

I imagine in this picture he's saying "Whats the big deal Dad? Why do you keep saying my name and snapping your fingers?" Haha.

Man, I love this kid. Doesn't it look like he has 'judging' eyes? Takes after Daddy and Mommy.

Christmas ALREADY.

Hello, blog universe. It's been a long time since we've talked. I imagine since Grayson was only a few months old. He is now 13 months old - that makes for a lot of life to catch up on. I'll try to hit some highlights over the next few weeks.

We'll start with the latest - it's Christmas....already! Rebecca and I are definitely not known for our boring schedules. In fact, the past couple of months have been dismal - no fun, just work (which is sometimes fun and school. It has been nice to see friends again over the past week.

On to the green and red....this is our first Christmas with a large space in our living room taken up by Grayson's toys. There are so many! We put the tree in the front window, and have worked pretty hard at keeping our deco Grayson friendly (much more challenging than previously thought).

Anyways, here goes.

<> Found this canvas pillow at Target. His beard is plush. 

<> 

Rebecca and I received this set as a wedding gift, and it has been a part of our Christmas celebration for the past 5 years. It's one of the first things we put out, and one of the last to be put up. 

<> This is true. We couldn't find an Angel or star we liked. We decided this would do for this year. Hopefully we will have better luck next year!

We have so many ornaments! We put out all of our 'unique' ornaments, and down-played the regular ball ornaments. We also had to keep most of the ornaments out of Grayson's reach. 

Here's a great video of Grayson trying to play with the tree. 

Here's how Grayson enjoyed the tree last year! Such a sweet little baby!

Jenna's Journal Drive

Mmmm....cereal.

I've realized that life is a stream of conscious decisions - do I take out the trash tonight or hope I remember tomorrow morning? should I make dinner tonight or pray that she offers first? Our life is full of questions that have to be answered. The way we deal with the questions effects what happens next, action/no action causes change/no change.

A couple of months ago I blogged about Frachesca and Jenna from Small Bird Studio. The studio does an amazing job designing and refreshing blog sites for everyday people. I am excited to share that she is starting a project that all of us can make a conscious decision to support. She's gathering blank journals to distribute to Mothers of recently passed babies. Journaling can be a great way for these mothers to start the healing process, while documenting important memories of the fleeting time with their tiny loved ones.

Please take a moment to find a journal and send on to Franchesca or visit her site to donate through PayPal.

Expectations of a Father

It has been a few months since I've blogged. Blogging is something that I enjoy, but rarely find the time/creativity to put my thoughts into meaningful words. I could drone on and on about meaningless things, but for some reason I have this idea that everything I post needs to be thought provoking/engaging. I realize my last couple of posts of the 30 Day Challenge (which beat me!) were not life altering, but more of a small, surface level insight into myself. Even with those I felt like I needed to entertain you, my 12 readers.

The events of the past couple of weeks have shaken my role as a father almost as much as when I realized we were pregnant. In a jail/prison hundreds of miles from here sits a man who changed the lives of many, many people in a single day. Jared Loughner, a troubled man, shot, killed, and wounded over a dozen people in Arizona last week. Before Jared was a killer, distressed teenager, or high school dropout he was just a little boy. A little boy that didn't show immense anger, resentment, or any other signs that he would some day go on a shooting spree killing and wounding so many. I imagine he was a little boy much like Grayson. That his father had a lot of feelings I have for Grayson- helpless when he is sick, excitement about what he'll become in life, fear of not doing enough or doing too much for his son.

The other night I was holding Grayson, and he started to look at me in the eyes, going deeper and deeper into my soul. I couldn't help but feel such a strong, spiritual connection with him. It was almost like he was saying "I love you", having not uttered his first word yet. Even when just thinking about it again, I get shaken up. I become overwhelmed with a sense of love and accomplishment, but also that my role as a father isn't finished. With all of the well wishes and expectations I have for Grayson I am still shaping the beginning of his path. That my job is to set him up for a life full of love, accomplishment and prosperity.

Do you think this is any different that what Jared's father felt? Do you think there was anything different about Jared's upbringing? It is next to impossible for us to know. There are so many small things in a child's life that impact his path. I just can't help but wonder what happened to Jared for him to be full of so much hate that he did all of this. Because I fear whatever happened during his childhood wasn't anything big or of major consequence my desire for Grayson is that his upbringing is one that sets him up to succeed, to be emotionally stable. I must be a father with Grayson's interest at heart 100% of the time. I must protect him against the things that will be thrown at him, that will challenge his stability and love for the world. I must provide for, and help build him up so he resists the path of Jared and others like him. Grayson loves everyone, and really enjoys so many different people. I hope whatever happens that never changes.

I am not writing any of this in defense of Jared Loughner, his parents, or any other psychotic people/ideology thats involved. Just sharing how becoming a father has changed how I process different situations. Before Grayson I would have been sad for the families. But because I am entrusted with Grayson I feel a huge sense of weight to make sure he doesn't go down a similar path.

My prayers go out to the victims and their families. A special prayer for all of my fellow parents asking that we all find a learned lesson in this tragedy - that while we cannot control everything our children do, but that we can start them off on a path of love and acceptance.

Best Gift of 2010 ~ Grayson Thomas

I love my life.

I love my life.

Grayson has been growing so much and does fun, neat stuff every day! He wasn't feeling great a couple of weeks ago and Rebecca took him in - he's gained a bunch 'o pounds! He, then, weighed 8lbs 12oz! I can't wait for his November 29th appointment - for a kid that didn't grow too much in the womb he is putting on the pounds like it ain't nothin'!


We also traveled to Tennessee to see my nephew, Knox, born on October 30! It was an amazing thing for another miracle to be born. Rebecca and I are quite smitten with Knox - and so is Grayson!

I'm in my third week of training with Apple! This is my first mention of it here at "...and then there were three". It has been pretty great. Last week I was in Richmond, and had to leave big baby Grayson with Rebecca. Thankfully my Mom came and helped Rebecca out. It was Grayson's first week at daycare AND Rebecca had a test on Friday. I got home about 6pm on Friday, and now back in Richmond for my last week here.

Life without Grayson has been tough. No lie. But in the words of Tom Hanks - Well,I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breathe in and out all day long. I hate not being there to get him up in the morning, pick him up from daycare, and to fall asleep with him. The last week has shown me how much my life has been changed, and enlightened by my little-big man.

Well, I would be remiss if I didn't include some pictures.

BTW, we are using my new MobileMe account to hold all of Grayson's pictures! The best part is you all can see them too - any time you want to. http://gallery.me.com/pierce1855

Grayson at 6 weeks old!

Happy Birthday, Mommy!

Hibachi lunch for Mommy's birthday!

Grayson had a KUNG FU grip on his chop sticks! Held them for hours!

Love him....

Cousin Knox and Aunt B 10/30/10

Grayson and Knox's first Halloween play date!

Chilling with Knox at Maury Regional.

Grayson and Knox - look how BIG Grayson looks!

My Brother, Mom, Knox, Dad, Grayson, and Me.

Mmm....love him.

Enjoying Augusta with Grayson.

Ok, that's it for now! Hopefully more frequent updating on the horizon!!

P.S. If you have a blog we have a new button for your blog!

<a border="0" href="http://talesofjoeandjane.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i776.photobucket.com/albums/yy44/smallbirdstudio/October%202010/joebutton.png" /></a>

Today We Remember All the Babies Lost

In March Rebecca and I started blogging to chronicle our adventures with Blueberry, and subsequently Grayson. Looking back on all of the blogs it makes me happy to think about all the things we fretted over that worked out - naming Grayson, work/life issues, pre term labor, etc..

In July we were introduced to Small Bird Studio by a mutual friend. Small Bird Studio is the at home blog design studio of Franchesca. Franchesca, like many others, is living with having lost a loving child too early in their life. Her daughter, Jenna, was born 11 weeks early, and has been the inspiration Small Bird Studio. Franchesca's work in her daughter's honor is making the blog world more beautiful a couple of designs at a time. And we are thankful.

October 15th is marked for all to remember the babies who were lost. It is for Jenna we light this candle.

Anyone interested in updating their blog design, please use Franchesca's Small Bird Studio. She donates the $15 deposit from each design to a monthly charity that helps families dealing with baby loss.

Day 4 - Your Favorite Book

Day 4 - Your Favorite Book - Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs

I haven't been looking forward to the Day 4 post of this challenge. Much like music it is very difficult for me to name a favorite out of books. My friend Erin suggested that I pick one of my favorite childhood books that I am excited about reading to Grayson. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs always made me happy as a child. Reading it would transport me to the land of Chewandswallow (I love it).

An unwieldy young scientist creates a machine that can be programmed to deliver from the sky any food a child might want.

Imagine with me, if you can....

Giant doughnuts rolling down the street

Hamburgers, Peas and Mashed Potatoes raining from the sky

A giant sandwich on the Eiffel Tower

I ask, what child wouldn't love this book? I sure did, and I hope Grayson does too!!

And in 2009 they made a Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs animated movie - which was also awesome!

There were a couple of close seconds to my favorite book list - The Twelfth Angel by Og Mandino (not exactly a child's book), most John Grisham novels, and a couple of Dr. Seuss books to appease the children.

What are your favorite books?

Day 5 - Your Favorite Quote