Monday, May 10, 2010

Happy (belated) Mother's Day

This Mother's Day was very emotional for me for many reasons. 

1) I really miss my mom and my family in East TN. My next sister down, Rachel, graduated with her associate's degree on Saturday, turned 20 on Sunday, and leaves for Costa Rica today (Monday). I was not there to help her celebrate any of these achievements or help her pack for her big adventure. I haven't spent many of the past Mother's Days with my mother due to usually working or Joe working, and it is always hard for me to know that all of my family is together eating at my Nana's house. I miss those delicious meals and lively conversations around the dinner table. I have always loved my mother, but she is someone that as I "grow up" I depend on her wisdom more and more. I hate that we are so far apart, and we can't spend nearly enough time together. I am truly blessed to have the best mother in the world. I know that I am a lot like her, and I hope I continue to become more and more like her as the years go on.

2) I am beginning to reach burn out from school. I have now completed four large exams in a little over a week. The exam that I had today was awful. It was a national NBME physiology exam. I LOVED physiology in undergrad thanks to Dr. Reese, but I have not enjoyed it as much in medical school largely due to pretty crappy lecturers. I have done fairly well considering this year, but after today's exam, I feel like I haven't learned anything all year. That realization scares the crap out of me because physiology is a large part of Step 1 that I will take next summer in order to advance to my clinical rotations. 

3) This may sound crazy, but even though it "hit" me a long time ago that I was having a baby; it didn't hit me until this weekend that I was going to be a "mother." There is so much involved with being a "mother," and to tell you the truth, as of now I am scared to death. I am very excited about Blueberry, but I worry about being as good of a mother as mine was to me. I pray that God will continue to guide me and help lead me on the correct path. I also know for sure that I am not feeling Blueberry kick. I have felt several times little flutters, but I honestly didn't know if it was air or baby. This weekend Blueberry let me know that legs are growing strong. It is such a weird sensation. It feels like I am getting thumped over and over again on the inside of my stomach usually in the same spot for minutes on end. I was able to feel them outside of belly with my hand, but I couldn't get Joe's hand over it fast enough for him to feel. I hope that he soon gets to feel our little one practice soccer on my uterus. 

4) My wonderful husband did a great job of treating me right for Mother's Day. He let me sleep in, and then brought my new beach bad full of goodies to bed for me to open. He then had to go to work, and I went with him. I hung out and studied in Columbia while he worked, and then he took me out to eat afterwards. He took me to Carraba's, one of my favorites and then treated me to Cold Stone. We then came home, and I studied more while he watched 30 Rock. He really pampered me and made me feel special even though I was crazy emotional all day.

Baby Bump on Mother's Day 2010. Please ignore how terrible I look at this point in the day!!


michelle said...

OMG. You are going to be an awesome mother!

Erin said...

This is such a great picture of you! What a cute bump you have!

mommara said...

You look precious, and will make a WONDERFUL momma. Happy First Mother's Day!

Joe. said...

I love you with all my heart. You are already a great motherly figure to so many. I can't wait to see your relationship with Blueberry grow.

Amanda Davis said...

Hey girlie! You will be a wonderful Mom! I promise. Feeling nervous is part of it. We all have that "moment" when we wonder about it all. Its a hard job, but you really do just learn as each day and each moment goes on. I do NOT have all the answers to parenting, but my baby is happy, healthy and we have just survived the first year. It will come to you. I promise!

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